HispanicVista Columnists

Tough Love Needed at Times from Parents

 By Domingo Ivan  Casañas/HispanicVista.com

    August 29, 2005

     In our community there are still parents suffering because their children are out of control.  It happens in the Latino family just as well.   There is an organization that believes that drug and alcohol abuse, family violence, teen pregnancy, suicide, family dissolution, school dropouts, and runaways are problems created and maintained by the culture in which we live.  TOUGHLOVE goals are to change the conditions of the culture by empowering people through a community based self-help programs. 

     Too many parents are guilty of abdicating their parental authority.  Why is it that more and more teenagers are getting their way at home without any consequences for their actions?  Our society has made some parents, whether single; divorced or married, act as if the child is the boss.  Unfortunately, some of these parents feel as if they can no longer get the respect needed. 

     Why have some parents thrown in the towel?  Have they forgotten what the elder generation did to maintain harmony and discipline?  Do they remember how their grandparents got respect so naturally?  What has happened?  Is it that parent’s just want to be friends with their children?  Is it that some of today’s parents feel that their children need to freely choose how they should live their lives?  Do parents really need to break down under their children concerns about peer pressure and fads?

     Why can’t some parents say “NO!” to green hair, body piercing, tattoos, long hair and pants that are purposely worn below the hips to show the underwear’s?  How can some parents allow their children to go wherever and return whenever?  Is this how they get away with missing family functions and church?  Is weak parenting, allowing children to talk back, or behave rudely toward adults?   The list can go on and on. 

     I think you might know some of this kids and even their parents.   Kids, that think they are too old to be told, and too young to be on their own.  Children that become the head of their household by intimidation and or making the parents feel like they no longer have any authority.  We can even see some of this behavior in those over 18 still living with their parents with no responsibilities.  Some love to sleep during the day and party at night.  There are some that just are bumming around the house just kicking back listening to music or on the phone.

     Many parents that have this type of children feel like hostages in their own homes.  Why is it that these parents can look the other way while crying with deep pain inside because they know that they have lost control.  A parent is a loving caregiver who uses both a heavy and soft hand.  A parent is a communicator and listener.  Parents are their child’s first teacher.  They guide, and nourish, instill values, teach respect and obedience.  They also pray with their child and teach that there are consequences for their actions. 

     For those parents who are feeling that enough is enough, I propose that you get involved with the non-profit organization known as ToughLove.  This self-help organization provides ongoing education and active support to families, empowering parents and young people to accept responsibility for their actions.  The ToughLove program is implemented through a network of local parent support groups.  To get a ToughLove parent support group started, you need a core group of at least five parents willing to stay with it for at least three months. 

     These parents will get full support from the serviced center and a local ToughLove representative.  For more information on ToughLove you can aloes call their National Headquarters at 215) 348-7090 or write to them at P O Box 1069 Doylestown, PA 18901 in California at: 127 Manhattan Ave Hermosa Beach, CA 90254 there is also

a toll free number of another organization that is similar to tough love at: 1-877-865-9935

     It is time for parents that are in this crisis to reclaim control.  It hurts me to see children so out of control and parents so weak or scared.  I feel a parent should always have authority and the respect of the child.  So it is time to act once again with authority and love.  But, please keep this in mind, that the bad behavior took a long time to develop and it will take time to reverse.  So find a group if you are in this situation that can start the process.  Good Luck and God Bless.

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Domingo Ivan Casañas is a Contributing Columnist for HispanicVista.Com (http://www.hispanicvista.com/).  Domingo was born in Cuba and is a Proud United States of America Citizen.  Domingo is the Author of: CUBA THE TARNISHED PEARL, you may read excerpts of his book at: http://www.cubanbook.com/ You may email Domingo at: LatinoAchievers@aol.com Domingo also writes Faith Page articles and is available for speaking engagements

 

                    CUBA: The Tarnished Pearl

                                  By Domingo Ivan Casañas

                    

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 Domingo Ivan Casañas is currently a column writer for HispanicVista.com and several local newspapers in his hometown Antioch, California.  He is an American citizen and a proud single father of three.  Cuba: The Tarnished Pearl is his first published book but definitely not his last.

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