HispanicVista Columnists

Actually, there are two flies in two houses. One house is called the White House and the other house is called the House White (translated from the Spanish). In the White House, in Washington, on a big desk is a red telephone. This phone is for very important calls. In the House White, in México City, on a somewhat smaller desk is a yellow telephone also for very important calls. The red phone is colored, as are important things, like fire engines and so on. The yellow phone is because Mexicans like that orangey yellow a lot. Some call it "Mexican Yellow" and that color is used all over the place in México. The two flies that are going to listen to the telephone calls are secret agents from your dedicated writer's organization.

The yellow phone rings:

"Vince here.”

"W here.”

Vince: "What's up W?"

W: "What the heck is going on down there Vince?"

Vince: "Oh nothing much. We are only trying to catch a big criminal."

W: "What criminal?"

Vince: "Oh you know, that big criminal mayor we have down here."

W: "The mayor? What did he do outside of trying to build a road to a hospital? Is that a crime?"

Vince: "Yes, it is down here."

W: "How can that be? I can't believe this!"

Vince: "Well, things are different here."

W: "How are they different?"

Vince: "Well, they just are.”

W: "What is all that noise?"

Vince: "That is a silent protest march supporting that criminal mayor."

W: "I hear a loud thumping sound. Are they banging pots and pans?"

Vince: "No, it's not that bad yet."

W: "But what's all the noise then?"

Vince: "Well, a million pairs of feet do make some noise."

W: "Oh Lordy! but that's why I'm calling. The newspapers are all screaming about the way you are treating an opposition politician."

Vince: "Don't pay any attention to our press here."

W: "I don't mean down there, but the press from all over the world. In fact, I'm getting a lot of heat on this. The press here is yelling that I am picking up bad friends (you)." Vince: "Sorry about that."

W: "On top of that, you are telling everybody that I am making you to do this."

Vince: "Well, I hate to say this W, but the best way to get political support here is to blame everything on you."

W: "Vince, I told you a thousand times that I don't care who the Mexicans want to elect for the next president. I don't! Now you have to get me off the hook and stop this silly business! Find someone else to blame this on besides me."

The red phone rings:

"W here.”

"Vince here.”

Vince: "How do you like the way I solved the mayor business?"

W: "Hey Vince, I know I said to find someone else to blame but you fired McAdoo . . ." Vince: "That's Macedo, W."

W: "Whatever, but that was the guy that was doing so good on the drug war. And you're replacing him with a notary public?"

Vince: "Cabeza de Vaca is a lawyer who specialized in notary and property law."

W: "Cabal de what?"

Vince: "Never mind, but he was my most trusted political advisor."

W: "Was he the one who thought up the mess about the mayor?"

Vince: "Well, it looked good at the time.”

W: "groan, gasp. But what will happen to the drug war?"

Vince: "Well W, you always told me that we should pay attention to the market economy and learn how to supply market demands. Since you people created the big drug market up there, some of our guys simply figured that they should supply the demand. Just like that capitalist Al Capone did. Besides, a lot of our cops are getting killed in the war down here. If you don't like the product, why don't you shut the market down up there?"

W: "Well, things are different here."

Vince: "How are they different?" There is a long silence and the line goes dead.

The yellow phone rings:

"Vince here.”

W: "W here. Now Vince, on this drug war business, I can't believe that you're giving up. I need you to continue the fight. We can't do it alone without your help."

Vince: "Look W, you created the market up there and these guys have more money than your federal budget to fight us. Why don't you come up with some help and moola for us on this?"

W: "Sorry, but we can't do anything more on it. We're fighting another war now."

Vince: "You expect us to fight your war down here without more help from you? Why don't you just shut down the market up there?"

W: "Well, things are different here."

Vince: "How are they different?"

W: "Well, they just are. And by the way, due to the mayor mess, I am going to have to withdraw my support for Durban to become the president of the OAS."

Vince: "That's Derbez, W, and besides, we wanted to use that appointment as a stepping stone to a permanent seat on the UN Security Council for México."

W: "Well, that's something different." .

. . .. the line goes dead.

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Richard N. Baldwin T., a HispanicVista.com (http://www.hispanicvista.com/) contributing columnist, lives in Tlalnepantla, Edo de México. E-mail at: R1041643422@aol.com