Guest Column
Adultery Is Killing the American Family
By Nathan Tabor
We hear a lot of talk these days about the need to protect and strengthen
the traditional American family. Certainly, it is true that the institution
of marriage is under attack from every side. But the real threat comes from
the multitudes of couples that fail to honor their marriage vows.
Adultery is one of the most terrible ³facts of life² in contemporary
America. If you watch the daily soap operas on TV many of which are just
soft-core pornography you might get the impression that there are more
people cheating on their spouses than remaining faithful. And you might be
right.
How many people have affairs? That¹s hard to say because not everybody will
answer honestly. But sex therapist Peggy Vaughan, author of ³The Monogamy
Myth,² conservatively estimates that about 60 percent of married men and 40
percent of married women will have an affair at some time during their
marriage. Maggie Scarf, author of ³Intimate Partners,² basically agrees.
Since these books were written more than a decade ago, and since more women
are leaving the home and entering the workforce, the number of wives having
affairs may also have reached the 60 percent range.
Americans have a schizophrenic attitude toward adultery. While 90 percent
admit that adultery is morally wrong, according to a Time-CNN poll, 50
percent say that President Bill Clinton¹s morals are ³about the same as the
average married man.² While 35 percent think that adultery should be a
crime, 61 percent think it shouldn¹t.
Having an affair simply doesn¹t carry the social stigma that it once did.
According to ³Playboy² magazine, 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men have
sexual thoughts about their coworkers, and about the same number follow
through on those libidinous impulses.
Why do husbands and wives cheat on their spouses? Psychologists cite
subjective issues like loss of love and feelings of alienation. Certainly
the media pressure of our sex-saturated society is a significant influence.
But a major factor is the easy availability of cheap and plentiful Internet
pornography.
Statistics show that 25 percent of all Internet search engine requests are
related to pornography. According to the National Coalition for the
Protection of Children and Families, ³approximately 40 million people in the
United States are sexually involved with the Internet.² And while 76 percent
of women feel that phone sex or cyber-sex is the equivalent of committing
adultery, only 41 percent of men do.
Dr. Alvin Cooper and MSNBC.com conducted an online poll of 38,000 people,
and 10 percent admitted that they were addicted to Internet pornography.
What¹s more, a lot of those Internet sex addicts eventually progress from
cyber-sex to real-time sexual affairs.
Some legal professionals estimate that as many as one-third of all divorces
may have their roots in Internet porn or online affairs. ³If there¹s
dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way
for people to scratch the itch,² explains J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president
of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
The pain and suffering caused by adultery is immense, especially for
children. They are more likely never to marry, or to later divorce, if they
had divorced or cheating parents. After a divorce, many children are unable
ever to develop strong, trusting relationships.
There is a direct correlation between the steady decline of morals and
values in America and this more accepting contemporary attitude toward
adultery. Part of the reason is because most people have forgotten what a
marriage really is.
Marriage is more than just a legal status recognized by the state, or even a
temporary social contract between two people. True marriage is a solemn
covenant relationship between a man, a woman and God. It is a hallowed
institution that should be revered, cherished, and preserved.
The act of adultery is childish and selfish, and it hurts everyone involved.
It violates at least two of the Ten Commandments: the clear prohibitions
against committing adultery and coveting your neighbor¹s spouse.
If we care about the future of our great nation, we as a people must relearn
the virtue and necessity of staying committed to the spouses to whom we are
married.
____________________________________________________________
Nathan Tabor is a conservative political activist based in Kernersville,
North Carolina. He has his BA in psychology and his MA in public policy. He
is a contributing editor at
www.theconservativevoice.com. Contact him at
Nathan@nathantabor.com.
Copyright © 2005 by Nathan Tabor
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